“A soufflé isn't the soufflé, a soufflé is the recipe.” - Clara Oswald, Dr. Who
A few weeks back I was going over my Easter menu and as I mentioned the possibility of a soufflé a good friend immediately asked, “well isn't that hard”? Well sure, but isn't it worth it?
Look, we have all been there. Box of Betty Crocker in our hands- just add eggs- good enough, done, satisfied. Everything gets thrown in a bowl with little thought and we get what we thought we needed. But is this how we should lead our lives? Nurture our marriages? Everything thrown around, going through the motions...or could we take it a little bit more like a soufflé. Nurture each step.
Soufflé, why is a soufflé hard? Really it's a matter of precision, patience, and trust. You're never going to just throw an egg at it. You need to slowly separate the eggs. Sometimes, you may not even need an equal amount of yolks and whites and you need to truly think the process through. The pans must be prepped and your starting base of a meringue must be whipped to perfection or you have been set to fail. There will be multiple bowls scattered through your kitchen. Wet ingredients, dry ingredients, hot and cold. Double boilers steaming away and items that you just may have to let cool. Eventually, it will all be ready to come together, but still, you cannot just throw it all in one big bowl. You need to fold each piece together slowly. Think about it. Nurture it and then carefully put it into the oven where you need to trust that your environment will be still enough to allow for that perfect “puff.” Here we are all tempted to peak, but we can't- we need to trust that if we did the steps right we will get what we need.
Marriage-why is a marriage hard? Well, really it is a matter of precision, patience, and trust. You can never just slap a kiss good morning and good night on someone and expect them to truly feel loved. You need to nurture them. Remind them and yourself of why you want those kisses. Each day brings our own individual joys and struggles that will come together as soon as we are with our spouse again. We need to take care to not allow our own items to drown out those of our spouse. To hear them and allow them to hear us. To share frustrations and yet do no harm. We need to work to find our balance, and if our circumstances or environments change, we need to work to keep finding that balance. Sometimes we won't know if we are on the right path, but we need to trust that we will know when things are just right and savor that.
Take some time, think about it. What is your recipe? Find that perfect balance of give and take. An instant fix recipe won’t create the perfect soufflé, how could it create the perfect marriage?